Rants & Raves
Monday, April 30, 2001
I just saw Fecal II, which is the sequel to Fecal I and it’s shit.
Friday, April 27, 2001
Came up with this idea for a CD case that bursts into flames upon opening. The germ of an idea was planted when a work comrade purchased a Rannstein CD utilizing her earned work units. I know that Rannstein are pyro freaks, so I thought it apt that their CD should involve fire. The hardest part would be how to get a CD to combust upon opening. I figured that a double flapped digipack casing would be the best option. Both cover flaps would contain a concealed cardboard strip running to the central CD support sprocket. One side would have the flint and the other the sulfur, similar to a match and box. A flammable substance reservoir could easily be concealed in the CD’s support sprocket. When the pack is open for the first time the match would ignite through the action of opening the pack itself. The flammable substance would in turn be set ablaze. Flames would spectacularly shoot out from the center of the CD. It is imperative that the fire burst be contained to a small area and duration to prevent irreversible damage to the recorded media. Maybe even a small sparkler like device could be used instead, creating mini fireworks. Another option is to use a small amount of lighter fluid enabling the unit to ignite several times. I’ll have to do more investigating before I begin assembling prototypes.
Thursday, April 19, 2001
Surprisingly the surface of the object was smooth to touch, it looked so rough.
“A common misconception,” grunted Mr Lardi-Da, one of the characters from a children’s series called ‘Brum.’ I jumped back in amazement, stunned by two factors:
1) Mr Lardi-Da’s sudden appearance from video into real life and
2) His ability to read my mind.
Mr Lardi-da laughed a hysterical laugh, got to his feet, for he had been ominously floating a few inches off the turf, and ran way shouting without opening his mouth “Join on the back for the race for the trophy.”
“Oh, my wheels and wipers” tooted Brum.
“Now I’ve seen everything.”
Thursday, April 05, 2001
My computer system turns 6 this year which indicates it’s obviously out of date. To get me on the way to buying a new ‘pute I started perusing the computer systems advertised in the Green Guide. I couldn’t help but notice the perverse monograms allocated to the systems. To name just a few; Annihilator, Dominator, Rocket, Burning Reality, Thunder Express, Power Xtreme, Tornado, and best of all Full Throttle Extreme! These sound more like porn flicks mutated with action movies than simple business tools. The loneliness and sad lives of these computer geeks shines through in the names of these machines. They can only dream a wet dream of a burning reality where they’re the Annihilator riding his huge rocket on full throttle to a land of neked ladies where they can finally dominate – how extreme?
Okay my dream system: AMD 1.5GHz 256Mb Ram, dual 40GB 7200RPM HDD, Soundblaster Platinum 5.1, DVD, Plextron CD-RW, 21” monitor, DV editing, running dual Linux & Windows. My systems name? The Massive Throbbing Manly Love Truncheon Machine! And all for under $3000!!
Wednesday, April 04, 2001
Headsets for the Mad Initiative
The advent of mobile phones has inadvertently brought together two quite opposing members of our community – the sane and the insane. How so? I hear you ask. It used to be that if you saw a crazy person talking away to no one in particular you’d keep your distance, shield your children and stair. Nowadays sane people are quite happily walking side by side with the mad. This achievement has been accomplished due to modern technology and the fear of madness itself, which is quite ironic. It all boils down to mobile phones being reported to allegedly cause brain tumors. Technology’s solution to this dilemma is the humble headset, which remove the antenna from close proximity to the brain cavity. The almost invisibility of these headsets creates the illusion of sane phone users talking to themselves. Since these headsets have become the norm the insane community has noticeably received less ostracism. It is my belief that free inexpensive headsets should be handed out to all mad people. This would completely mask their madness, making us feel more at ease thinking they’re talking to another human, opposed to Jesus, Elvis or some other exotic deity. I’m currently accepting donations for the “Headsets for the Mad Initiative” (HMI.)
